I hate gun control debates. It’s like grandparents on Facebook. If you don’t know the rules, don’t play the game, or comment on every picture in all-caps.

I am no Clint Eastwood, although I do know enough about firearms to know that most gun control arguments end up in a mess of ignorant opinions.

I prefer arguments based on facts. Facts speak the truth, and the truth rocks.

So the next time you hear a Johnson County soccer mom  at the grocery store say, “People shouldn’t be able to just walk around with those big, scary, machine guns, you know,” realize that she is so very wrong, and probably late for yoga.

However, in her defense, the types of firearm laws and licenses differ greatly from state to state.

For example, a federal license to own a fully-automatic firearm is permitted in Texas, duh, but in the crime-filled city of Chicago, Concealed Carry licenses are prohibited, and if one wishes to own a firearm, he or she must store it unloaded, inside a locked safe.

Meanwhile, the total annual homicide count in Chicago has increased by nearly 100 people from 2011 to 2012. Remember: facts rock.

Look, if progressives and greenies had their way, the deadliest weapon Americans could own would be their BPA-free salad fork. However, there is a little, big thing called the Constitution.

Yes, the Constitution allows Americans the right to bear arms, and that is where the argument should end, but come on, that would just be too easy.

The purpose of this right is to allow the people of America to defend themselves against danger and against an over-reaching government. Yeah, I know, I’m such a crazy radical.

I like to think, however, that the men that created this country had the best of intentions, and if anyone understands over-reaching government, it would be the people that risked their lives to escape it.

Okay, too much opinion, I’m sorry, back to facts.

On Jan. 28, 2012, Stanislav Mishin, a writer for the Russian newspaper, The Pravada, titled an article “Americans never give up your guns.”

His piece starts: “These days, there are few things to admire about the socialist, bankrupt and culturally degenerating USA, but at least so far, one thing remains: the right to bear arms…”

The rest of his piece describes the takeover of the Soviet Union and the slow disintegration of their society. He specifically describes how gun control affected their society.

“…At one point, Russia was one of the most heavily armed societies on earth. This was, of course, when we were free under the Tsar. Weapons, from swords and spears to pistols, rifles and shotguns were everywhere, common items. People carried them concealed, they carried them holstered,” Mishin writes.

He then explains how the takeover began. It started with registration, then once the government knew who owned firearms, it had a system ready for whenever it decided to disarm citizens.

That’s how it always starts: registration. Germany experienced similar steps to communism. History repeats itself, and so many people are closed-minded to the fact that the “nice guys” could very easily become the bad guys.

Speaking of bad guys, during World War II, when the U.S. heard rumor of Japan constructing an atomic bomb, what did  our military do?

We scrambled. We pulled every string possible to make sure we had a bigger, quicker, stronger bomb than Japan. See my analogy?

Anyone that suggests the banning of semi-automatic rifles or firearms requiring magazines because they are “just so unnecessary” is a silly, silly goose.

Stronger defense defeats weaker offense. Simple. Concept. I’m not going to pull a .38 Special on two intruders with AR-15’s.

It does not matter the capacity, size, barrel length or caliber of a gun. It is our God-given right to defend ourselves.

If you question the second amendment, let me as you a question.

Do you really need religion? Or the freedom to not practice religion? Do you really need freedom of speech? If you aren’t a white, land-owing male, do you really need to vote?

Oh, and if we’re going to regulate firearms, someone really needs to regulate spoons as well, because this ice cream is seriously going to clog all my arteries and kill me if I keep eating.