After going to this school for nearly four years, I have successfully figured out that every teacher at this school is apparently awful at their job, according to some students.

I figured this out by using a technique that only the professionals use; I eavesdropped on some conversations, and let me just say that the word on the street is that some people haven’t learned one thing all year. Now, this doesn’t exactly sound horrible to me, but I have been told repeatedly that it is.

My peers have been complaining over and over again about how their math homework is nothing like the examples from in class (after reviewing the material and the homework, I can confirm that the problems do use different numbers and variables than shown in the examples) and how they are never ready for the tests.

Thus, after to taking my fellow students at their word and not at all questioning the integrity they have, I have decided to make a list of tips to help teachers do their job better since they are obviously so inept at it.

So here we go:

Tip #1: Don’t try to help us actually understand the material.

Let’s face it, school is not for learning; it is for the grades. I don’t want to be forced to learn how to problem solve and gain useful skills like these. All I want are the A’s. So, in math, just give us an equation and then a bunch of similar problems to complete; in science, just give us a worksheet to fill out with definitions from the book; in English, just make us read a book. If you do this, then we may complain about how we aren’t learning anything, but you won’t have my mom coming in to yell at you to change my grade.

Tip #2: Make things simpler.

I have heard time after time how people don’t understand things in math and science. Obviously, the subject matter is way too difficult. Therefore, teachers need to start making the material simpler. Use easier words. In science class, don’t refer to ATP, and don’t say energy molecule instead to dumb it down. Instead use the term “small thing-boom!” It will make everything so much easier.

Tip #3: Drop everything for me.

I know that you claim to have a busy schedule, but so do I. As a result, when it is the day of the test and I don’t understand what is going on, you need to postpone the test. I know that you may have a problem with the fact that I never came in to seminar and actually spent time talking to you about my concerns, but that is your problem.

After all, you are supposed to have a sixth sense that tells you when a student does not understand it. You are supposed to confront that student, and set up a time and date when you can review the material with them. You are supposed to make sure that the student shows up, and let me tell you, that is not happening.

So maybe, if the teachers at this school take these three tips and put them to good use, they can actually become good teachers, and students can finally stop complaining (I’m just kidding, the latter will never happen).